Lady's space

      Im so sleepy....curls up with my pillow.....and I watch the storm rage thru the window.  I listen as it lashes out its fury against the earth and I feel like that storm today....angry.......and I let the tears loose and they flow like the rain does down my window. I dont know why I even care....but I know this...I never will to this extent again. I swear this to myself. To thine own self with I be true...its all about me now.

      curls up and sobs......si mi dout fueryon.....si mi dout................

      What throne?   What memories?  Cryptic messages?  Does anyone speak fucking english anymore?  Who is We? What happens if the memories dont return?  What happens if he doesnt return?  WTF!!!!!!!   WHO  protects WHO and WHY so many dam SECRETS??????   Just blowing off here lol......OK.....IF ANYONE HAS ANY ANSWERS I'D LOVE TO HEAR THEM PROVIDED THEY ARE ALLOWED TO TELL!!!!  

Sighs...........

      Dreams....memories....shadows....wisps or thoughts, what are they....am I haunted....why are some familiar, like I've known them before and why do I see in pieces. Maybe my mind is just a fragmented puzzle waiting to be put back together, hence the pieces, or maybe its just shattered beyond all repair....like a mirror....in shards. What am I to remember......maybe I really dont want to......there is safety in that I suppose....hmmm......just a thought.........

      .....curls up......watching.....waiting......sighs................

..........Once upon a time there was this place...it was a grove...a magical place...a quiet dark place where lived a Beast and his mistress a
Dragon. They spent many days and nites here together. At first there was nothing here but the dark and slowly the Dragon brought in some treasure, her treasures. She brought in the elves....the herd of unicorns....her pack of wolves....she built her castle....she threw all her gemstones in the lake to make it shimmer and tossed some into the night sky to make it sparkle and twinkle. She had fields of flowers and sounds of laughter could be heard throughout the grove. Cerberus protected this grove and she made friends with him and feed him sour skittles and gummi worms and let him loose occasionally to play in the fields with the unicorns. Although his idea of play wasnt to the unicorns liking it was hilarious to the Dragon. The Dragon could do anything she wanted to here...swing on moonbeams, ride the clouds, slide down rainbows, get drunk with the elves and run with the wolves. She rode the unicorns and slept in the field of tulips. She had anything her lil heart desired in this grove her Beast made just for her and she had him. He was all hers. Oh how she loves her Beast...she would snuggle up to him at nite and curl up in his tail, snug in the fact that he was there and she was safe cause he was never that far from her. They talked about things here, anything....laughed, loved...he'd listen to her cry here....it wasnt a game, it was just what it was...it was a Beast and his Dragon. The Beast pledged he would love her as long as Gaia breathed. It was a happy magical place and love lived here.         The grove is silent and surrounded by the mists now...the Beast is gone, the Dragon walks the halls of the castle alone and her footsteps echo throughout it lonely halls. No laughter is heard in the grove now, just sounds of  a Dragon in mourning....the Elves have moved on, the stars no longer sparkle, the waters are still, and the unicorns have disappeared...Cerberus has gone with his master....and the wolves have moved on....now I am left a dark quiet place once more and now I contend with a different sort of  pack and dragon slayers. Now I understand why I have never chosen a name for myself, I am to be a nameless shadow dragon who walks the mysts of what once was and will never be. I am and always will be Caiask di wer Fueryon and you have my heart Fueryon wherever you are....I will love you forever...so take care of yourself....I wish you nothing but the best and will always be right where you left me.......si mi dout

      Fueryon....as always, as long as I am on this net, si mi dout ......you have my .......Si itov Wux ....sia maurg, sia itov ........ Caiask di wer Fueryon

      Im sitting here listening to the storm, its raining hard, washing away all that is and  making way for whats new. I wonder if that includes me? See I have decided to make a new start somewhere.  Im free now, free of 18 yrs of paper bondage to a place that would never be home, a place I had to bide my time until today came. I always thought it would be more exciting than this, but its not, Im kinda sad to tell the truth. Sad for time lost, sad for time spent away from family thats now spread far apart....missed time with deceased parents that can never be regained. All because of someones hatred of me because I could not find any love inside of me for their spite and angry violence. Maybe thats who I should feel the sadness for instead of the hatred I hold onto so dearly, but I find that hard to do...I think I shall hold onto that hatred it has keep me alive thus far, forgiveness will never be an option, and God has nothing to do with this. Well, I guess I've decided my long term goal, now all I have to do is decide how best to get there, and I will get there. Question is will I be by myself....I hope not, I hope to settle down finally for good and find my fairytale ending lol. Yes I know, I'm living in a fantasy world, but so what its my world, it can be whatever I wish it to be lol. Maybe I will love someone finally and that love be returned.  Who knows where and what I will find or whom for that matter. Maybe this will be the grandest adventure of them all, Ive no doubt it will be fun finding out. Maybe I will learn a few things about me along the way. But anyway, Im off to find my fairytale ending, every Dragon has one you know...stay tuned maybe you will read about mine here? Later.....

      Ive been kinda quiet here lately, gathering my thoughts. I am lost within them. Ive been spending a lot of time in Archadia chatting, playing.....laughing. Everything is turned upside down right now. I'm not writing right now, so all my energy is spent in just day to day life and play. Maybe soon I will find my way out, perhaps I will stay and wander the abyss I call my mind and see what there is to see. Maybe I will find me, finally. I was always hoping to meet me someday. Very odd feeling when you wake up and realize you've lost yourself....and you have no idea how long you've been gone. Yea I know sounds kinda crazy, but there it is. Well gotta run...have a good one 

      I walk the forest path, the myst swirls around me, enveloping me softly. Tis chilly, I can see my breath...I draw my cloak around me tighter. I make my way along the path taking my time enjoying the sounds of the night. My escorts are  before and behind me unseen as always, but there. I hear the soft pads of their feet upon the forest floor. They protect me, fore they are loyal to me. What have I done to deserve such loyalty I know not, but be born. Perhaps they know something I do not. Seems like everyone does for I am the last to know of anything these days. I now know I am of the black, my other color calls to me along with my name but it is faint yet, and I cannot make it out . I have my suspicions, but its best to wait before speculating on something such as this. I look to the moon, it is red, a Dragons Moon. It shines down on my path, lighting my way almost as if it expects me. I follow it to the clearing, a fire burns there, welcoming me. This is one of my places in the forest that I go to be alone. The rocks around the fire are tall and a seat has been worn away out of one of them, it is here I sit and warm my self. I wait. I stare at the orange flames licking at the timber. Its hypnotic, and I have a hard time keeping my eyes open, I am so tired and unwell. All I want to do is sleep. I look to the moon and you are no longer there. The wolves lay around the circle and close to me,  it is safe to sleep now. I close my eyes and as I drift off I believe I hear you. You are here finally, I feel you lift me, I am light as a feather. We are flying, you are holding me so tenderly. I am not afraid now...

       I know your there......I just miss you sometimes....sigh.............Sia maurg, sia Itov.......Sia itov Wux.....Si mi Dout

      Yes this is a new space address...I am restless. Everything is changing....I am changing. Ive learned to breathe fire, so to speak. Yet I am still young in all other ways....coming into a power I'm not sure I like to own. Where a simple sigh has such deep effects on those around me. Although I like that kind of power, it is bothersome to have to constantly have to worry with the effect I have on others around me. I think I shall stop that to some degree and I will sigh all I want. I'm also going to stop warning those who challenge me, I am tired of the games of cloak and dagger. I want to play now. So many masks people wear, they come at me from all directions under so many alias. Why do they hide? Its all so silly..because you cant hide from a dragon....forever lol. Humans are so entertaining. Welcome to the new space...bear with me as I add my treasure.